by: Carole Hicks (copyrighted)

Being rejected by someone you love is one of the most heart-wrenching, soul-piercing injuries one can experience. Most would rather endure physical injury than to feel the pain of such rejection. Most would take whatever steps are necessary to avoid feeling the pain of rejection. It’s painful. It’s very painful and leaves scars that are long-lasting and sometimes crippling to functionality.

The idealism of “community” and “family” is embedded in most every human being. Most people long to be accepted and know that sense of belonging to something bigger than self. I believe it is a God-ordained longing in that He created man for fellowship and community. This longing is so strong that it is only logical that the enemy would use rejection from family and community to inflict or impose strongholds in our lives.

Through book studies and even having seen this portrayed in television and movies, the Hebrews held such a sense of tightly-knit community (perhaps far beyond anything we have to compare in present day), that being rejected by the community ( and family) was worse than death. The Bible tells us that Jesus knew such rejection: “He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him.” (John 1:11) This is a verse that is quoted over and over in pulpits, Sunday School classes and Bible studies, and counseling sessions all over the world. It’s used sometimes to console those who are feeling persecution and rejection and to demonstrate that Jesus understands.

Maybe sometimes it is not so easy to make such a correlation between Jesus and us. After all, Jesus was changing the world and the way people think. Sometimes the rejection we experience is nothing so radical. Sometimes, we experience rejection because we just don’t fit in, we’re too pretty or too ugly; we’re too rich or too poor; we’re too smart or not smart enough; too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny; too young, too old; too much or not enough. Sometimes we are rejected not of any shortcoming of our own, but by shortcomings of other people. Hardly ever are we really rejected because we are radically changing lives and changing the world. Hardly ever are we actually being cast out because we are going against the norms of society. Most of the time, we are rejected for selfish reasons, pride or fear. But then again, that’s exactly why Jesus was rejected too … people didn’t want radical change; they didn’t want their comfort to be disturbed, they didn’t want to consider that their way of thinking was wrong, and they were afraid of change. So, the bottom line is that rejection … no matter what the basis … is just BAD business.

When thinking about rejection, and the fear of rejection … and the imprisonment one experiences because of rejection, we have to ask why this seemingly normal part of life (that everyone experiences) tends to create such bondage and strongholds for us. As Christians, we ought to know that we have been accepted by God, and through Jesus, we are accepted as part of His family. We know He wants us. But still, even as Christians, we personally experience it , and even inflict rejection upon others … and subject ourselves, community and family to this bondage.

But, I’m tired of fearing rejection (and frankly, I’m tired of being rejected). But I’m even more tired of the way rejection and the fear thereof has influenced my thinking, my emotions and my actions. Most of rejection’s negative influence has been a result of years of knocks and bangs without any tools to combat it. After a while, I guess I just could not shake it any more, in my own strength and wits.

One area of my life where rejection has wreaked havoc is in personal relationships. My heart has been literally broken into pieces from rejection and I have been afraid to even try to love and trust people. When I think of Jesus and how rejected he was by his own people … I really can’t grasp the enormity of his humility and the LOVE He has for us. I build up walls … He just tears down, climbs over, goes through such walls. Oh if I could only be more like Him!

My pride steps in as a defense. I go into protection mode … and what’s happened is that I anticipated rejection rather than fear it … and I think that’s an even worse stronghold.

This has spilled over to other areas of my life. Professionally, I anticipate rejection. And, it has not been unwarranted. But I wonder if I might not be setting myself up for it. In the past two years, I have applied for more than 100 jobs. The messages I’ve interpreted is that I’m either too qualified, or not educated enough. The simple truth is that I want to work … I need to work … and while I’ve done everything from milking dairy cows, to picking up litter with inmates, to leading workshops and other communication gigs, to writing and producing television shows … I keep getting letters stating that “we are seeking other applicants for this position.”

So, I’m here today … writing about rejection. I am searching diligently for TRUTHS to help me overcome feelings of rejection. I need tools to help me overcome because I desperately want to be free of the influence of rejection in my personal, emotional and especially, my spiritual life.

Getting past rejection cannot be easy. It takes more than just saying, “I’ll not accept that.” It truly dos hurt. And of course, we can’t accept every person, or idea or application that comes our way. But as I sit here thinking about how easily rejection seems to come about, I can’t help but wonder if it may be in the communication of rejection that we’re inflicting the most pain.

When you hear someone say, “I don’t love you anymore.” If you are the one hearing those words, your first response might be, “Huh?” But when it sets in, you feel it … pain of those words. And you know there has to be more to it than someone just stopped loving you.

When you hear someone say, “You just don’t fit in here.” You might look around and wonder “ Why not?” What difference does that make?” Then, you have to recognize that what they are probably saying is, “You make me (us) feel uncomfortable. We don’t want to be made to feel that way.”

The truth is that everybody wants to be accepted … and even though we all know that we’re not perfect and have a long ways to go in the “becoming” process … deep down in our hearts we want folks to like us and want us anyway, in spite of the things that make us “unlovely” or “unfit” or “unqualified.” It hurts being passed over, looked down upon, dismissed and degraded. It doesn’t help that there are plenty of others who have experienced this and know the pain.

I’ve found that the only thing that does help is the soothing salve of God’s Word. Words like, “I will never leave nor forsake you.” “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” “I have plans for you.”

Dealing with rejection is not just a personal or even a familial problem. It’s global. You can look into the eyes of people all over the world and see that longing … that need … for someone to say, “I accept you.”

Thank you, Jesus … that You do say this, and You say it loud and clear. Otherwise, we really would have no hope.

For the life of me, I can’t imagine how those who don’t know Jesus can handle the pain and bondage of rejection.